


Soft Boy Aggressively Flirts With Other Kind Of Soft Boy

by Sweetysweetssugarytreats



Category: Gintama
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Flirting, Crack Treated Seriously, Dirty Jokes, Flirting Through Jokes, Fluff and Crack, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Soft Boys, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Texting, Wrong Number AU, can this be considered aggressive flirting?, mostly lame and dirty jokes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2020-01-07 03:43:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18402419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetysweetssugarytreats/pseuds/Sweetysweetssugarytreats
Summary: My parents live in Ohio.But I live in the moment.Gintoki texts the wrong number when he sends yet another lame joke meant to get under his best friend's skin, but then keeps texting the entertaining stranger who keeps answering.





	1. Wrong Numbers And Wrong-er Things To Text

**Author's Note:**

> Please Read Below If You Don’t Want To Regret The Life Choices That Brought You Here Today:
> 
> Maybe some of you may know how I like reading and writing stories with deep feelings and heavy emotions slowly growing between the characters until they understand that they can’t live without each other anymore and fall head over heels in love? 
> 
> Well, this is not it.
> 
> This is not even nonsense… it’s *more* than nonsense.
> 
> It’s… I don’t even know what it is!
> 
> But man… is it BAD.
> 
> I have never written something like this. Ever. It’s my first attempt and probably my last. Bear with me.
> 
> In my defence I wrote this because I needed an immediate distraction. And what better distraction than something more stupid than normal stupid, and worse than normal worse?
> 
> This whole…thing (I refuse to call it a fic because the mere concept of fanfiction requires at least a semblance of effort, and no effort will be put into such thing on my part) will be in texts messages. 
> 
> Gintoki’s texts are in italics. 
> 
> Toshiro’s are underlined.
> 
> I didn’t put the time or names next to the texts because [insert excuse here]- (honestly, I’m just too lazy to do it). If Gin’s texts are closely spaced between them (only the texts Gin is writing) it means his messages are immediate, if they’re widely spaced it means he is taking a few minutes to reply. The same applies to Toshiro’s own texts.
> 
> Example: 
> 
>  
> 
> Hi 
> 
> How are you?
> 
>  
> 
> -This was written in under a minute.-
> 
>  
> 
> Other example:
> 
>  
> 
> I’m fine
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> How are you doing?
> 
>  
> 
> -This probably took between two minutes and five days.-
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for your attention during this weird introduction.  
> Please use caution when proceeding.
> 
>  
> 
> [ This story was inspired by so many other text aus, but mostly by two very incredibly hilarious fics :,) ]

 

 

_I bought you flowers._

_They're fake, though._

_Just like you._

 

 

Well, I would find that hurtful and offensive, a tad bit funny too, if it was meant for me.

But I am sorry to say, or write, that you got the wrong number.

 

 

_…Oh._

_Oops, sorry!_

_It really is the wrong number._

_That was meant for my best friend._

 

 

Oh.

Okay.

 

 

_Yeah._

_Sorry about that._

 

_…Well, this is awkward._

 

 

It's fine. No worries.

Interesting relationship you have with your best friend.

 

 

_Believe me 'interesting' doesn't even begin to cover ¼ of it._

 

 

Good for you, I guess.

 

 

_Thanks, I guess._

 

_How much does a polar bear weigh?_

 

 

…That's kinda random.

 

How much?

 

 

_Enough to break the ice._

_Hi._

 

 

Okay, I had never heard that before.

Hey.

 

 

_Are you impressed?_

 

 

Do you want me to say yes?

 

 

_Would it be bad if I do?_

_Be brutally honest._

 

 

Not completely.

I'd say it would only be half-bad.

 

 

_Great. My long list of half-assing whatever life throws at me keeps on growing and thriving._

 

 

You should take pride in your qualities.

 

 

_You're the first to call this… talent of mine a quality. My friends usually refer to it as a flaw, or even 'reason to be in prison'. One of my friends likes rhymes._

 

_So from the bottom of my heart I have to say…_

_Thanks my dude._

_Or dudette._

_Or dude-else._

_Whichever you might be._

_Sorry for assuming your dude-gender._

 

 

Your first assumption is correct. My gender belongs in the 'dude' category.

Another half-assed victory for you to add onto your long and thriving list.

I'm sorry your friends consider such a high and brilliant quality a reason to be in prison (nice rhyme, by the way). They clearly have no idea what they are talking about.

 

 

_Thank you, finally my true genius is being recognized._

_When I receive an oscar I will include you in my speech._

_And I consider my friends' qualities their 'reasons to be punched in the hunch', so I guess we're even._

_What can I say? Half-asses keep haunting me._

_…The double meaning of that kind of scares me._

 

 

Please do include me in your speech as 'Not every stranger is a danger over the other side of a screen'.

And they say dreams do come true.

But I hope nightmares don't or you will be surrounded by half-asses tonight.

 

 

_I'm already working on the first lines. I will open with: Ladies and Gentlemen and the Dude over the other side of a screen who once complimented my half-ass genius.'_

_And that would be one of my worst nightmares._

_Or should I say one of my worst half-nightmarasses._

 

 

I see your half-assing attempts continue.

 

 

_You are the one who said I should consider this my quality. And qualities should make you proud, right?_

 

 

I regret that now.

I should really stop giving people advice.

It always ends with naked men, a bazooka and the police.

 

 

_Must be an interesting life you have._

 

 

If only you knew the ¼ of it.

When you say 'interesting' are you referring to the naked men, the bazooka or the police?

 

 

_Naked men and police mostly, both sound tempting._

 

 

It is nice to know someone appreciates my daily life.

Thank you person of unspecified genduder.

See what I did there?

 

 

_I saw._

_Nice._

_I'm a dude too, by the way._

 

 

Hello dude.

 

 

_Hello right back at you dude._

_We are both dudes and we both breathe oxygen._

_Can you see how much we have in common already?_

 

 

I would have never thought in a million years I would have so much in common with a person on the other end of a phone.

Surely this must be destiny.

 

 

_Speaking of destiny, is this one of those movie scenarios where two people who have never met but only talked over a screen actually live in the same place and find out they have been passing each other by for years but never noticed until a faithful encounter one day that ends up changing their lives forever?_

 

 

Could certainly be a possibility.

How can we even know the many ways in which destiny works?

But we can find out. Where do you live?

 

 

_My parents live in Ohio._

_But I live in the moment._

 

 

…

After that I am afraid I have to cut your moment in half.

Just like the half-asses invading your nightmares tonight.

 

 

_It's not my fault. The witch of half-asses has bestowed a curse upon me._

_How will I ever be able to go on with my nights from now on?_

 

 

You should kiss a princess to lift the curse.

 

 

_In that case…_

_Are you willing to be my princess? ;)_

 

 

How much will you pay me if I accept?

 

 

_Oooh, money-hungry._

_I like it._

 

 

I consider it more as an investment of sorts.

 

 

_What are you investing in?_

 

 

I just recently opened a new bank account and called it: becoming a witch that curses dudes who live in the moment with nightmares full of half-asses ;)

 

 

_…Damn._

_So strangers can really be dangers over the other side of a screen._

_And I think I just fell for you._

_Whole-Assedly._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to know who Gintoki’s first three texts were supposed to go to, the answer is… obviously Shinsuke.
> 
>  
> 
> I’d like to apologize to humanity and non-humanity for this weird… thing. 
> 
> But am I going to continue?
> 
> Ya bet your sweet macarons I am.
> 
>  
> 
> You heard it here first folks, from now on it’s only gonna get worse. And when I say worse I mean… *worse*.


	2. Never Underestimate The Cuteness Of Puppies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows the events of the next day :)

 

 

I never had someone fall for me whole-assedly.

Both my buttcheeks are flattered.

 

 

 

_I'm glad I could flatter your buttcheeks._

_And since I fell for you I decided to woo you with my texts until you fall whole-assedly for me too._

_Or decide you have enough of me and try to kill me._

 

_I'm taking either one._

 

 

 

There is a third option, actually.

 

 

 

_And what's that?_

 

 

 

What if I decide I had enough and instead of killing you I just don't text you ever again?

 

 

 

_…Oh._

_With all the possibilities I took in consideration I didn't think of that as a realistic outcome._

_Okay, to prevent this from happening I will send you pictures of adorable puppies until I melt your heart and you can't live without my lovey dovey messages anymore._

 

 

 

If you think I will give in to a possibly infinite amount of flirty texts that a stranger I met only a day ago sends me because he thinks he can have my heart just with a few pictures of puppies then…

You are right.

I would do anything for puppies.

 

 

 

_Who wouldn't? No one can resist puppies._

_Not even that friend of mine I accidentally mistook for you when I texted you. And his heart is colder than cold ice. And as we all know ice is... cold._

 

 

 

Puppies are powerful beings.

 

 

 

_They are._

_One day they will conquer this galaxy, turn us into slaves, force us into submission to satisfy their every desire and destroy our world as we know it._

_But of course we'll accept all that because they're cute :D_

 

 

 

Where's the lie though.

 

 

 

_And when I write cute I mean a shit ton of CUTE._

_Just like this._

_[Attached Image](http://www.cutestpaw.com/images/picture-of-a-fluffy-puppy-face/) _

 

 

 

…

Holy. Shit.

Can creatures this adorable even exist???

 

 

 

_And now that I have your full attention it's time to hit your heartstrings with my skilled fingers._

_In other words I'll just send you pick up lines till you fall for me._

 

 

 

Are you sure that's gonna work?

 

 

 

_I mean, I can try._

 

 

 

Go on then.

 

 

 

_You can't see me right now but I'm taking a deep breath and clearing my throat rather loudly from the nervousness. I should mention I am also outside, sitting on a bench and a few people just stopped and gave me strange looks. But whatever._

 

 

 

It's almost cute how hard you try.

 

 

 

_That will become a full-on cute when you read my pick up line._

_Here we go._

 

_You're hotter than the bottom of my laptop._

 

 

 

…Wow.

It worked. 

I fell for you.

 

 

 

_HOLY FUCK! REALLY?!_

 

 

 

No.

 

 

 

_Aww :'(_

_You just took away my happiness : (((_

 

 

 

If your happiness comes from hoping those pick up lines will ever work with anyone then you must rethink your life choices.

But I have good news.

I'll still keep texting you because of the picture of that cute puppy.

 

 

 

_I knew that was going to work!_

_Thank you power of incredibly cute puppies for giving me a chance at love :')_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if this short chapter can be considered weirder than the first, but don't worry, the next one is definitely going to be worse :)
> 
> And if you click on Attached Image you should be able to see the cutest fluffy puppy :3


	3. Kids Don't Do Drugs Even If It's 4/20!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very very short. Only 4/20 lame (and flirty but still lame) jokes. I'd like to apologize to my parents because I never thought a day where I write this kind of chapter would come.
> 
> *softly bangs head against the wall because walls are solid and I don't want to hurt my head* …What have I become?
> 
> By the way none of these line are mine, I found them on the magical place that is…
> 
> *drum rolls*
> 
> …The internet.

 

 

_As a part of a balanced breakfast on 4/20 don't forget to eat your weedies!_

 

 

 

When you are too phoned to stone home. 

 

 

 

_Do you smoke pot? Because weed look good together._

 

 

 

Did you hear about the stoners who were planning to rob the medical marijuana dispensary? 

First they had to case the joint. 

 

 

 

_Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy._

_But I got this joint, let's smoke this baby._

 

 

 

If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? 

The cop. 

 

 

 

_Baby you are sweeter than the brownies._

 

 

 

We got so high last night we searched for our friend for half an hour while he helped us look. 

 

 

 

_I see your username ends with 420..._

_I too like to live dangerously._

 

 

 

How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb? 

Screw it, we've got lighters. 

 

 

 

_I don't always do math. But when I do I'm usually buying weed._

 

 

 

What kind of car does a stoner drive? 

A Blazer. 

 

 

 

_Hey baby! You're smoking!_

 

 

 

It's like I've been waiting on you 4-20 years 

 

 

 

_I will let you hit this if I can tap that_

 

 

 

It's 4/20 time for a blunt- 

discussion with my kids about drug use. 

 

 

 

_I am so baked, come take a bite :p_

 

 

 

Meet you at four-twenty. 

 

 

 

_me before I smoke weed: my life is trash_

_me after I smoke weed: my life is trash lmfaoooooo_

 

 

 

You had me at cannabis. 

 

 

 

_Is that a 9 inch joint in your pocket or are you happy to see me?_

 

 

 

Alright. 

I think that's enough for today. 

 

 

 

_Enough weed or enough jokes?_

 

 

 

For you I'd say both. 

 

 

 

_Ha-ha. Very funny._

_But I still got one._

 

_I'm getting high on your smile tonight :)_

 

 

 

That was almost romantic. 

 

 

 

_Reallyyyy!?_

 

 

 

No. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never smoked any type of… anything really, and I never plan on doing it. But for some strange reason drug jokes still crack me up? (pun not intended)


	4. Flirty Texty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait on this! And sorry about this in general...  
> It's short but more chapters are on the works right now!

 

 

_I'm still trying by the way._

 

 

 

Hello to you too.

And trying what?

 

 

 

_Making you fall for me as hard as I fell for you._

 

 _…_ _That 'hard' could be taken out of context but I'm a gentleman and I won't make a dirty joke_

 

 

 

Of course.

 

 

 

_Because if I wasn't a gentleman I would tell you a penis joke but I don't want to come off as cocky._

_…_ _Okay._

_I couldn't resist._

_I'm sorry but we all knew that was going to happen._

 

 

 

No real surprises there.

 

 

 

_Forget the chit chat now!_

_I'm going to woo you in the most powerful way that is known to modern mankind._

_I'll flirt with you through a screen._

 

 

 

If you think you can succeed then, please. Be my guest.

 

 

 

 _Oh, I will._ _And I'm starting with:_

 

_I'll give you a kiss. If you don't like it you can return it._

 

 

 

Did you come up with that on your own?

 

 

 

_I'll be honest here, I found it online._

_But hey, it's the effort of me copying and pasting that quote that counts._

 

 

 

Oh, yes, how could such a major waste of energy on your part go unnoticed?

 

 

 

_I knew you would understand!_

 

 

 

...You are not very familiar with the concept of sarcasm, are you?

 

 

 

_Hmm my friends tell me the same thing._

_Weird._

_Anyway. You didn't think I was finished, now did you?_

 

 

 

Let's see how much more effort you put into this…

 

 

 

_If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together._

 

 

 

I would put GTFO together.

 

 

 

_Grab the first otter._

_Nice._

 

 

 

…You're worse than I thought.

Must be a talent.

 

 

 

_It is._

_This is what happens when your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime._

_At least that's what my mom says._

 

 

 

Wise woman.

 

 

 

_Thanks._

_She thanks you for the compliment too._

_Back on track now._

 

_Hey, do you like sleeping?_

 

 

 

… Yes?

 

 

 

_Me too. We should do it together sometimes._

 

 

 

** …  **

I should have known.

 

 

 

_We're like cocoa and marshmallows._

_As in you're hot and I want to be on top of you._

 

 

 

First of all, you have never even seen me.

And what if I'm the one who wants to be on top of you?

 

 

 

_That can certainly be arranged ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

 _Wait_ -

  _Is that the sun coming up…_

_Or is that just you lighting up my world?_

 

 

 

…Wow.

 

 

 

_Did you like it?_

 

 

 

No.

 

 

 

_Awwwwwe ;(_

 

 

 

Alright.

Maybe it wasn't… that bad.

 

 

 

_:')_

 

_I love you_

 

 

 

What?

 

 

 

_Nothing._

 


	5. (Not As) Flirty Jokes-y

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found the first joke yesterday and of course I had to base a whole, unplanned little chapter on it. Once again most of these are not mine but belong to funny people who come up with them because I can't be funny to save my life.

 

 

_Computer just crashed while I was a couple hours into writing my essay._

_Now I have to write those two sentences all over again._

 

 

 

 

You work so hard.

 

 

 

 

_I know right?_

 

 

 

 

Something tells me you're not being sarcastic.

 

 

 

 

_Why would I be?_

 

_You know, at first it was only a flimsy thought in the back of my head. But today, today I can say I am sure of it._

_When I die I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time._

 

 

 

 

That bad?

 

 

 

 

_You don't know the half of it._

 

 

 

 

I think I might.

 

 

 

 

_You have to deal with assholes too?_

 

 

 

 

On the daily.

 

 

 

 

_You want to hear the pearl of wisdom that has gotten me through life? And mostly through homework?_

 

 

 

 

Sure.

 

 

 

 

_Laugh at your problems, everybody else already does._

 

 

 

 

Where's the lie though?

 

 

 

 

_And also:_

_Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity._

 

 

 

 

Who told you that?

 

 

 

 

_My best friend._

_I think he was using it in an insulting sort of way._

_But I kid you not, this got me through life._

 

 

 

 

That's… great.

 

Hey, I have to go now.

 

 

 

 

_What?!_

_Why?!_

_Where?!_

_How?!_

_Who?!_

_Why?!_

 

 

 

 

To do that thing.

 

 

 

 

_What thing?_

 

 

 

 

If I remember correctly it's called 'living life'.

 

 

 

 

_Oh._

_You know, I actually never heard of it._

 

 

 

 

 

You should try it.

 

 

 

 

_Eh, not now. Next year maybe. Sounds like something really annoying to do._

 

 

 

 

You don't know the half of it.

 

 

 

 

_So are you just gong to ignore my texts until you finish this thing?_

 

 

 

 

Apparently so.

 

 

 

 

_It's okay._

_Ignore my texts then._

_It's not like I want to talk to you or anything._

 

 

 

 

Oh, so you want to talk to me?

 

 

 

 

_...Yeah._

 

_Is that too needy?_

 

 

 

 

I don't know.

But I like needy.

 

 

 

 

_Oh._

_Good._

_That's really good._

_I can be one hell of a needy boy._

_Keep texting me to find out._

 

 

 

 

I really can't right now.

But I'll keep thinking about your neediness for the rest of the day :)

 

 

 

 

_Okay._

_Fine._

_Go._

 

_Just leave me here._

 

_I'll be by my own, all alone._

_(hey that rhymes)_

 

 

 

 

You still keep texting me?

 

 

 

 

_I bet you're lovingly smiling at your phone while reading my texts._

 

 

 

 

What makes you think that?

 

 

 

 

_Just one reason._

_I'm a very lovable person._

 

 

 

 

If you say so.

 

 

 

 

_I do say so._

 

_You still there?_

_No?_

 

_Fine._

 

_I'm still here._

 

_Roses are red_

_I have a phone_

_Nobody texts me_

_Forever alone_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Group projects… they either go very good or very bad. Is there even an in-between?
> 
> And I think Toshi definitely smiles at his phone when he reads Gin's texts :)


	6. It’s Kind Of A Cute Tragedy (Oh oh oooh ooh ~ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies you beautiful people!
> 
> I don’t want to bore you in the first note so I’ll leave a brief explanation of kind of everything at the end.

 

 

I screwed up.

Big time.

 

 

 

_Oh oh ooooh ooh ~_

 

_make it count_

_play it straight_

_don't look back_

_don't hesitate_

_when you go_

_BIG TIME!_

 

 

 

This is not the time for Big Time Rush's theme song.

 

 

 

_False._

_It is always time for Big Time Rush!_

 

 

 

You're right.

My bad.

 

 

 

_*My bed._

 

 

 

Now don't push it.

 

 

 

_Sorry._

 

 

 

Seriously I have bad news.

 

 

 

_Define 'bad'._

 

 

 

It's kind of a tragedy.

 

 

 

_Well now I'm kind of worried._

_What's kind of wrong?_

 

 

 

Stop messing around.

I'm kind of serious.

 

 

 

_So kind of am I._

 

 

 

Listen.

If an unknown number writes to you, for the love of every ounce of mayonnaise in the world, please don't write back. Ignore it. Toss your phone out of the window. Do whatever but just-

Don't.

Write.

Back.

 

 

 

_Alright. I have three questions._

 

 _1._ _…do you like mayonnaise?_

 _2._ _Why would I toss my phone out the window? My phone has literally my whole life inside of it._

 _3._ _Who would supposedly write to me?_

 

 

 

1- Mayonnaise is literally the best damn thing that ever happened to this world and you asking me if I like it is kind of like asking why a bike needs wheels to move.

 

 

 

_Oh… uh…. cool?_

 

 

 

2- It seems to me like you depend a lot on your phone and that is not always the best thing.

 

 

_I have a few arguments against that._

 

 

 

3- …it's connected to me screwing up.

 

 

 

_Okay now I'm really curious._

_Just spill the tea already._

 

 

 

Seriously? Are you one of those people who use those kind of expressions?

They are kind of stupid to be honest.

Also it doesn't really make sense.

Why would you say something like that?

 

 

 

_Dude! Just say it already!_

 

 

 

Fine.

Just so you know, you interrupted a long speech about the modern use of words in ridiculous ways, but I guess I'll leave that for another time.

The problem is… today I was having lunch with a few friends.

 

 

 

_Wow. That does sound like such a major problem._

 

 

 

Wait until I'm finished smartass.

 

 

 

_Lmao_

 

 

 

So we were ordering the food and before it arrived I went to the bathroom for a minute.

 

 

 

_Intriguing._

 

 

Shut up.

And only after we were finished it occurred to me… I had taken my phone out when we got there and just left it on the table the whole time.

There is a 99.9 % chance one of my friends went through it.

…Damnit I should have been more careful.

 

 

 

_Does your friend know your password?_

 

 

 

I don't have a password.

 

 

 

_DUDE!_

_What the fuck?!_

_I just choked and literally face-palmed so hard my forehead stings but what the hell?!!!_

_You always always always ALWAYS have to have a password no matter what!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Have you any idea how many times a password or any kind of block on your phone can save you from prying EYES!!!?_

 

 

 

I don't need it.

 

 

 

_…_

_Okay that's literally the stupidest thing I have ever heard._

_Why wouldn't you need it?_

 

 

 

Because there's no one who would go through my stuff!

I trust the people around me.

 

 

 

_Apparently one of your friends doesn't seem very trustworthy._

 

 

 

…He is the only exception alright.

 

 

 

_Hey, look, even if he has supposedly read out messages it's fine_

_It's not like we're doing anything illegal lol_

_Wait you're not doing anything illegal on your phone right?_

_I mean if you did it'd be kind of cool… but you know, still illegal._

 

 

 

No, of course I'm not doing anything illegal.

But you don't know him.

No matter the situation, he finds a way to turn things around and screw with people's minds just for his own 'amusement'. And you don't notice it until the very end, before he delivers the final blow. This guy can be dangerous when he wants to.

Also he really likes embarrassing people so that's kind of really bad too.

 

 

 

_This friend of yours sounds kind of like an evil genius._

 

 

 

Please don't say that.

I swear his ego gets bigger every time someone says something even remotely nice about him, even if this someone might be on the other side of the world.

It's like some kind of superpower or something.

 

 

 

 _You know, he and one of my best friends would get along really_ really  _well if they ever met._

_Also the world would probably explode if they decide to combine their evil minds together._

 

 

 

…Now you're kind of scaring me.

 

 

 

_Oh don't worry!_

_It's not like they're ever going to meet if we don't introduce them, right?_

_¯\\_(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)_/¯_

 

 

 

…Right.

 

That's a unique shrugging emoticon.

 

 

 

_It's cute, isn't it?_

 

 

 

I guess.

 

Do you like cute things?

 

 

 

_I do._

_Do you?_

 

 

 

Not really.

But when you send this stuff…

It is  _kind of_  cute.

 

 

 

 _(_ _〃_ _ω_ _〃_ _)_

 

 

 

What's that?

 

 

 

_Don't play dumb you know exactly what it is._

_Stop making me blush._

 

 

 

Stop sending cute things.

 

 

 

_Stop writing cute things to me._

 

 

 

Fine.

On the count of three let's both stop with the cute stuff.

 

 

 

_Okay._

 

 

 

1

 

 

 

 

_2_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Well that was easy._

 

 

 

Yeah.

 

 

 

_Hey look what I just found!_

▼・ᴥ・▼

 

 

 

Wait that's a puppy?

 

 

 

_Yep!_

 

 

 

It's kind of adorable.

 

 

 

_…We both did it again._

 

 

 

…Shit.

Well, now I'm disappointed in the both of us.

 

 

 

_I can live with disappointment and cute stuff._

_It's kind of a great mix actually._

 

 

 

If you say so.

Anyway, we still have to talk about the second point.

 

 

 

_What second point?_

 

 

 

You really shouldn't use your phone too much.

It's bad for your eyes, your brain and kind of your health in general.

 

 

 

_Nuh-uh._

 

 

 

What do you mean 'nuh-uh'?

 

 

 

_I mean no because I can't live without my phone since it's literally my life._

_Practically everything I want is just beside me, only a click away. How cool is that?_

_And I swear if I go a few hours without it my head would implode._

_Also I have the need to be entertained at all times or I'd probably die of boredom so my phone is great for that._

 

 

 

You know that's not healthy right?

 

 

 

_I don't care._

_I'm here for a good time, not a long time._

 

 

 

…Can't argue with that logic.

 

 

 

_Also I have all the more reason to use my phone lately._

 

 

 

Why?

 

 

 

_Because thanks to my phone I met you!_

_And I kind of like texting with you_

_Kind of really like it (￣▽￣)ノ_

 

 

 

…oh.

 

 

 

_I bet you're blushing right now_

_So you should send me a blushing emoticon_

 

 

 

Never.

 

 

_Well I tried ╮(╯∀╰)╭_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s the only life you got so you gotta live it BIG TIME! ~  
> It’s always time for Big Time Rush no matter what anyone says okay?  
> Okay.
> 
> ~ 
> 
> Long story short: I had some serious problems with my computer and lost my stuff and I felt very very uninspired to write again everything from scratch for the longest time...  
> But here I am at last!  
> Hopefully I’ll be able to update this and another one of my short stories every week at the same time from now on.
> 
> ~ 
> 
> Okay, I’d really like to say I’m like Hijikata when it comes to phones, but really, I’m definitely more like Gintoki… and that’s probably a very bad thing? But all my friends are in the same boat so that makes it kind of okay?  
> Kind of. (lol I love saying this for some reason.)
> 
> Also, of course Toshi is talking (writing) about Sougo! (Who might make an appearance soon??) And Gintoki is talking about Takasugi!
> 
> ~ 
> 
> This is really cute though ¯\\_(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)_/¯


	7. GHOSTLY Problems??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gin is in italics  
> Toshi is underlined

 

 

_HWEELPOOOOP_

_HELPPP!!!_

_HUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM!_

_MAYDAYYY!!!_

_PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE AWAUJKEEE!_

_PLEAAAEEEESEEEEEEE!!!!_

 

 

 

 

I’m awake now 

It’s 3 in the morning so this better be a life or death situation. 

 

 

 

 

_YEssssss_

_I’M TH E  ONE DIIIIING!!!!_

_I’M BEING HAUNTED!!!_

 

What the hell. 

 

 

 

_There’s a GHOST in my rooooom!!!!!_

…Explain please. 

_Look_

_I thought it was a car or smthn at first_

_But it didn’t stop_

_And now it’s just outside my window_

What is? 

_THE LIGHT!!!_

? 

 

_It’s this blinking light that just won’t STOP!_

 

 

 

…a blinking light? 

 

 

 

_YES!!!_

_It’s green and it keeps blinking_

_It’s like a pulsing heart or something_

_It’s so CREEEEEPY!!!_

_But then I figured it out_

_…this is a spirit!_

_It’s come to haunt me for all my wrong-doings !_

_Even if I don’t have any, I’m just an amazingly good person, you know?_

Hmm… somehow I find that hard to believe. 

 

 

 

_I’ll choose to ignore that last comment._

_Goodbye dear world, I’ll never forgive you for the ending of Naruto… but at least I now have the hope of finding peace and maybe rewrite a better ending in the afterlife…_

Ah, yes, they say when you’re about to die the biggest regrets flash right before your eyes. 

…But Naruto still believes in you… 

 

 

 

_…Naruto let me down…_

It’s not his fault… he tried his best… 

 

 

 

_His best was not enough in the end… but no matter what, my ramen-sized heart will always beat for him…_

 

 

 

…I’m sure Naruto appreciates that. We all do. 

 

 

 

_*bows*_

_…Thank you._

 

 

 

But aren’t you being just a little.. 

I don’t know 

Dramatic? 

 

 

 

 _Oh-ho!_   _Let’s see you try and sleep with a ghost haunting you in your room!!_

There is no ghost in your room. 

Because ghosts don’t exist. 

 

 

 

_Oooh are you one of those scienc-y people?_

If by ‘scienc-y’ you mean the people who believe in the progress of technology and the discoveries of new forms of life based solely on accurate and trustworthy  _scientific research…_

Then yes, yes I am. 

 

 

 

_I’m sorry for u_

_Your life must be so boring :(_

My life is okay, thank you for your concern 

At least I don’t wake up in the middle of the night to scream-text my contacts 

 

 

 

_Wait who said I was sleeping at all?_

_Maybe I was kept awake by the thought of a certain someone ;)_

Oh, you flirt. 

Keep the sweet talk for our first date, will you? ;) 

 

 

 

_I’m sorry you’re just so sexy I can’t stop_

_BUT I’M GONNA STOP IF I DIE!!_

Lol 

Did the light do something? 

 

 

 

_IT’S MOVING_

_HOYL SHTI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_I SWAER IT MOVED 1CM!!!!_

_I’M DED!!!!_

Rip. 

 

 

 

_DON’T SAY THAT!!!!_

_I’M LEGIT SCARED!!!_

_I CAN’T DIEE IT’S TOO SOON!!!_

_OH MY GOD I HAVEN’T EVEN EATEN THAT TWENTY POUND CAKE ALL BY MYSELF!!!_

It’s nice to know there are people out there who have set such life-changing and worthy goals for themselves. 

 

 

_What can I say_

_I’m a man of many talents_  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

But apparently those talents don’t involve chasing away ghosts? 

 

 

 

_Don’t remind me!!_

 

 

Hey, do you live on your own? 

 

 

 

_Why?_

_You wanna know so you can sneak in through my window at night?_

_Ay, cheeky :)_ _I like it_

 

 

 

You wish. 

I just want to know so you can go bother other people. 

 

 

 

_That’s cold-hearted!_

_But don’t worry, my heart is warm enough to melt yours too._

Keep dreaming. 

 

 

 

_I would if I knew I’d wake up tomorrow._

_But this ghost might k i l l  me!!_

_And to answer your question, I live in an apartment with three of my friends, but one is visiting his family, one is probably lost in this road we call life (but he disappears frequently so it’s fine), and one is off-limits._

 

…Off-limits? 

 

 

 

_Yep._

_We’re having a cold war right now._

_It’s the one I told you about remember?_

_And if I asked for his help right now he’d never ever ever let me live it down._

_EVER._

_So that’s out of the question._

…I see. 

Well, I guess the only thing left to do is die now. 

Have a nice afterlife. 

 

 

 

_NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!_

_PLEASE DON’T GOOOOOO!!!!_

_DON’T LEAVE ME HERE!!!_

_ALLLLL BYYYYYY MYYYYYYSEEEEELFFFFFFF!!!!_

 

 

 

I was just joking 

Wait is the last text meant to be read as a singing-text? 

 

 

 

_Yep._

_Since I’m meeting my end I thought I might as well sing my ass off one last time._

Maybe you could bust the ghost’s eardrums that way. 

 

 

 

_Rude!_

_I’ll have you know my singing abilities are unmatched, thank you very much._

_There are other things I’m hoping to ‘bust’ if you know what I mean.._

Yes, because no other human could match such a dreadful sound, so of course that will make your voice unmatched. 

And I’ll choose to ignore that last part. 

 

 

 

_Hellooo???_

_Could we un-focus from my extra-ordinary singing abilities and focus on the fact that I still might die over here??_

 

 

 

Right. 

The way I see it you have a few options. 

1-Have you tried yelling ‘hey there demons, it’s me, ya boy’ 

 

_Lol you watch Unsolved too?_

Not of my free will 

My best friend forced me to watch a few episodes cause he was too scared to do it on his own 

But I can say I firmly believe in anything Shane says 

 

 

 

_Ugh you scienc-y people belong together._

N.2- You could just go back to sleep and let me sleep too because there is literally nothing there 

 

 

 

_Pff yeah_

_HOLY COW IT MOVED AGAIN!!!!_

_RIP ME!!!_

Alright, alright 

N.3- You could just go there and blow it 

 

 

 

_LMAOOO_

_Dud_

_The Fuck????_

_Did you just suggest I give a bj to a ghost??!?_

What 

Shit no! 

I meant blow it away! 

AWAY! 

I didn’t finish typing the whole thing 

I’m tired okay 

 

 

 

 _Yeah_ _I can tell your quality in texting has decreased a bit lol_

_But I won’t dismiss such a great option!_

_I could walk up to the ghost and be all gentlemanly (see wat I did thr)_

_Tell the ghost ‘Ah, excuse me sir? I’d like to offer my exceptional oral services in exchange of my life’_

_I bet that’d work_

 

 

Throw in a bit of a show too, be confident about it. 

Worst case scenario: the ghost rips your face off- 

But at least you gave a bj to a ghost before you died. 

And really, how many people can say they have achieved that in their life? 

 

 

 

_Damn._

_They’d have to build me a statue for such an achievement!_

 

 

 

You can do it. 

Go, my friend, go on and blow the ghost. 

Oh no, wait, you’ll end up half-assing this job too! 

 

 

 

_*shocked gasp*_

_How dare you hit me where I’m weakest?_

_In my time of need too?_

_I thought we had something special!_

_I thought you supported me and my half-assed attempts from the very first day we met…_

 

 

‘You see a person’s true colors when you are no longer beneficial to their life.’ 

I’m afraid this is the case as I don’t have any use for you anymore since I am beyond tired. 

And when this human is dead tired this human becomes a dead being who stops supporting other alive humans and goes back to sleep. 

Farewell, dearest friend, and before I forget my manners please forward my greetings to the ghost haunting you. 

 

 

_Ah, I understand as I would also choose the haven that is sleep over any of my dying friends in a heartbeat_

_But speaking of dead beings_

Smooth transition 

 

_I can think of another dead tired being who’d want me to offer my exceptional oral services ;)_

How dare you insult my purity with your vulgar ways? 

And here I thought you were a ‘gentlemanly’ 

Shame on you and your exceptional oral services, sir. 

 

_There is no shame in admitting you want my halfassed b-jobs all to yourself <3 _

 

… 

Be right back. 

I’m going to contact an expert who will exorcize all this sin out of you, young man. 

 

 

 

_Lmao_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS! I KNOW where I want this story to go! Finally!
> 
> I wanted the month of December to be the month when I post all lovey-dovey-winter-y stories (and trust me, I will) but I just had to update with this chapter because I F I N A L L Y know where this is going!
> 
> (Gintoki's friends sharing an apartment with him are of course Zura, Tatsuma and Tsugi.)  
> (I watch Unsolved, but not all the time because I'm a huge scaredy-cat.)
> 
>  
> 
> My dudes and dudettes, it's only gonna get gayer from here.


End file.
